Oprinion: How Each Part of the Disgaea 4 Complete+: HL-Raising Edition Can Kill Me
I’m Store Prinny 910, and we’re publishing LA-MULANAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
We’re very passionate about our pixels here at NIS America, and we’re excited to bring you LA-MULANA 1 & 2, a pair of thrilling puzzle platformers for Nintendo Switch, Xbox One, and PS4, dood! That’s right! The RGB trinity, dood! Three unique systems on which you can experience brutal murder at the hands of everything from water (hands?) to a massive dragon (hands!) you somehow have to kill with spears haha oh geez dood!
Speaking of close encounters with the limits of your mortality, we also have a new shirt up on the Online Store, dood!
The Prism Rangers shirt, winner of the Prinny Classic T-Shirt Contest, is making its long awaited return, dood! Now you have the opportunity once more to grab your black T-shirt commemorating one of the most colorful bunch of characters in the Disgaea series, which is a pinch ironic, because I know they’re not wearing anything underneath those suits, dood. I know, dood. I’ve seen things.
Luckily, we’ve got plenty of apparel to keep you clothed as mandated by
your local ordinances the incoming fall weather, dood. We've got jackets, shirts, hats, and blankets! We know you living humans just love to wear the skin of our brethren, so we brought back our famous Prinny Blankets so you could just throw us over your body or furniture without the threat of explosion, dood. Those Mishy Fleece Throws are also a lovely addition to any shoulder, dood! We’re not actually sure whether they explode or not, but hey, this is the perfect season to find out, dood.
Of course, the merchandise isn’t the only danger to us this fall, dood.
Yes, that’s right.
We need to talk about the Limited Edition in the room, dood.
I, Store Prinny 910, have been investigating more into the Disgaea 4 Complete+: HL-Raising Edition, and have concluded with overwhelming evidence that every single item in this HL-Raising Edition can and will kill me.
Allow me to elaborate.
Disgaea 4 Complete+ Official Hardcover Art Book
Ah yes, the trusty Deluxe Guide Book for the Forsaken. Things can get hectic when you’ve just died and you’ve being punished for living, dood. That’s why we’re providing a roster of featured characters from the main game (which is fiction, haha, yeah, this never happened) along with featured art pieces for your enjoyment, dood.
Yeah, I bet that looks nice, huh?
But take a different perspective, dood. When you flip through its pages, you’ll quickly find that this is actually a roster of individuals with some of the highest combat prowess in existence, dood. Perhaps you’ll pick up the book and admire it for its stunning key illustrations, character designs, and promotional images. But when I pick up this book, all I see is a threat to my existence, dood. That, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a book used in combat before. Can’t fool me, dood. I’m too smurt.
Shiny Motivational Bookmark for Prinnies-in-Training
You may think this is just an ordinary bookmark, dood.
And it is.
My Cousin Prinny was once starved for months on end, and grew so delirious with hunger he became enamored with the beautiful gloss of the Shiny Motivational Bookmark and slurped up one of our pre-production samples, dood. He was so taken aback by the stale flavor that he died of disappointment, dood.
Don’t eat paper goods, dood. Spread the word. Save a Prinny.
Pringer X Coaster (PVC)
Look, I’m not gonna mince words, dood. Pringer X is a killing machine. It’s literally a robot with over 100,000 ATK, dood. You ever stood in the way of a Prinny Destroy before, dood? If you did, you won’t have legs anymore. They’d been incinerated, dood.
The fact that it’s now a coaster roughly the size of my beak just makes it a choking hazard on top of all of that. As if I didn’t have enough to worry about, dood! This coaster is a danger to society in the hands of you humans, even if it is a stylish edition to our line of premium PVC coasters!
Disgaea 4 Complete+ "Unforgotten Melodies Remastered" Official Soundtrack
I listened to all twelve tracks of Unforgotten Melodies Remastered. They sounded beautiful, dood. What a lovely addition to the HL-Raising Edition, dood. Didn’t threaten my life at all.
This guy, dood.
Valvatorez Cam-pain Double-Sided Poster
Okay, I don’t know Valvatorez personally, dood. But there’s not a single Prinny that doesn’t remember their Prinny training, and man did I have a terrible instructor, dood. He was always whipping us if we said something stupid, whipping us if we said something that was too smart, whipping us if we forgot the “dood,” dood. If you dropped a machete during the tutorial, he’d make you clean the floors with a lint roller. But worst of all, he’d make us play fifty-two-card pickup with him, dood! It’s an awful game! He’d just drop a deck of cards on the floor (the floor that I JUST lint rolled) and asked me to pick them up, dood!! Like what a total jerkwad, dood!!!
...Oh yeah, Valvatorez. Doesn’t he beat up Prinnies in the tutorial? What a classist jerk, dood. Definitely a threat to my life, dood.
And don't even get me started on the other side, dood!
You see what this is?
It's a surprise attack, dood. They're hiding behind the cam-pain poster for a reason, dood.
Don't be fooled. Stay alert.
Disgaea 4 Complete+
I can tell you how all of these items are dangerous, but don’t just take my word for it, dood! Just play the game for yourself! Remember, the “A Promise of Sardines” Day One Edition is available inside every HL-Raising Edition, so you can enjoy every item I listed off above and defeat as many enemies as you want, dood! And who knows? After all that carnage, maybe I’ll see you in the Prinny Factory one of these days, dood.
Preorder today, dood!